You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
