I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
