You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
