The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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