I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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