I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
