I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
