I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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