There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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