I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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