margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
