he shaved USA in his pubs
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
