you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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