Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
