Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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