First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
