you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
not ubering you a puppy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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