somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
