They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
