Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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