he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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