Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I just sharted jello shots
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