I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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