No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just gargled with NyQuil
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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