Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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