saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
