I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
