I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want to have your abortion
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
