she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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