I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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