I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
3 2 1 whiskey
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize