as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
