He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
