I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
