so let's talk penis.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
