What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
