sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He passed out mid-signature
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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