id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
