community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
