Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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