hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
