No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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