Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just invented taco cereal.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
