Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm like, not good at living.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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