its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
