apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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