I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
