Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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