What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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