Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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