My nipple is on Facebook.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
