Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
