did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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