Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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