I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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