honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So apparently I’m into choking now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
