You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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