using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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