was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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