oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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