Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
