we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
