Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
