hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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