Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize